Goodbye, Sweet Pepe Grillo
Date of birth: Approx 1990 Date of death: 2/3/25 Age Approx 35)
Today Pepe Grillo died. Until last Thursday, he seemed completely normal. Friday he left his stall looking normal but had left a couple handfuls of pellets. Friday night I saw how swollen his face had become. I could barely contain my panic as I called vet after vet. No one open on Saturday. I believed he had an infected tooth, I could see one that appeared cracked. But no return calls. One vet even responded to my emergency call to say he couldn’t come this far; another said she could not come till Monday, to call her then if needed. I gave him a bute. More bute Sunday. He was trying to eat. He was drinking and peeing. Monday I called the one vet, but she said she could not come at all. Called another vet I hadn’t seen on the google search, who said they could come today. More bute, and a flake of alfalfa (his favorite) and he ate a bunch of it. But still, by today, he was emaciated. He’d been unable to eat much of anything for 4 days. His face swelling had gone down. The vet took one look at him and recommended putting him down. He said Pepe had a double heart murmur, very loud. I pointed out the cracked tooth, but he said he believed they would all be like that, and sedation to get in there would probably end it for him anyway, or at least put him on the ground, where he could not get up. I know my Pepe, how strong he was. But, at age 35+, how much more could I put him through? I gave in.
In his 16 years here at TGC, Pepe was a force. From day one, he was a caretaker – an unerring eye for the weaker, older horses… or, I should say, mares. Picadilly Princess, Saki, Corazon, CeCe, Anna and Ashley, Beezelee, the list goes on. He tried for all of them, but the stronger girls banded together and so didn’t need him as much. He briefly befriended Daja and Hollywood, but his last job as caretaker was Keller. And by the time Keller passed, I think he was taking care of Pepe instead of the other way around. After Keller passed, Pepe mostly stood alone. When Paige and Maddy had their year here, he hovered around their stalls all day long. He showed interest in Gordita too – I should have realized her time was short. Like me and all hospice carers, Pepe “had” them long enough to love them, and then the pain of loss.
Ladies man, caretaker, perfect pony and omg what a goofball. In pursuit of food, he was relentless and clever. Early on, he got into the can with the equine senior, and probably ate 20 pounds of it! I called his former owner, panicked, to let her know and she laughed. Told me he’d done that, multiple times, and just sailed thru it. Had an iron gut. Oddly tho, he never took anyone else’s food. Boundaries meant something to him.
But more than any other horse, Pepe would seek me out, just in case I had a treat in my pocket. And I had to be careful, small as he was, and round, I feared some metabolic thing grabbing him. He wasn’t really manageable – no matter what, he hated mushed feed. And although he’d eat an apple, he MUCH preferred carrots, and that, until he accepted it, made us both sad. In his latter years, he didn’t have enough molars to chew carrots. (I’d even suggest that perhaps horses love the “crunch” of carrots more than the taste. I tried grating carrots for the oldest, or even juicing them, and the horses always left a lot of it.) He knew what he liked, and waited for it. Sending me mind signals – Bring me the senior! – And the power of his mind controlled me…
Yesterday, at the end of these years of friendship, I think Pepe tried to take care of ME. The reality is that watching how quickly he deteriorated, I knew at his age he might not survive. And I could have ended it for him, and probably should have when no vets would come or call back after Saturday. But I desperately didn’t want to lose him, I imagined a world where he could be sedated, and a rotten tooth pried out, and lots of antibiotics, and my strong boy would be able to eat his way out of this situation and bounce back. And I imposed that hope on him when he most needed me to be strong. He cooperated with me syringing bute down his throat; he went in his house and ‘pretended’ to eat (although he was better able to eat after several bute); and he sweetly followed me out …. Probably relieved that I had finally admitted his time was up.
Some people believe that horses “never see it coming”. There’s been plenty of times I would say that was true. But there are horses who are wise to the ways of people, and who have seen a lot, and are sensitive to their people. Pepe knew what was coming, and after trying so hard for three days, he was relieved.
Im left with the terrible grief of losing an extraordinary person in my life, my friend, and the guilt that I wasn’t there for him the way he needed. Im so sorry Pepe. TGC is much less for his passing.